I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking. This week has been weird, cant say much because of one person who reads this, but I think I definitely made the right choice…in a way. I was getting really upset, especially about going back to uni on Monday night.
On Sunday night, i wrote out 3 pages of how i was feeling. Jumbled up crap i can tell ya.Most of it's really unlegible, more than when i can even see the paper. I kept getting messages from people, delete delete delete, went my fingers.
For the whole of Monday I felt really sick, not physically sick, but…yeah-ariege you know. Someone called me up, and actually said “are you ok?” and when I said fine, they said, "no really." To cut a looong story short I ended up crying my eyes out, and then trekking to theirs. The trek was almost a bad idea, I was so weak from the way I was feeling I almost couldn’t make the rest of the way and had to run for the last bus, but there was traffic so it was copasetic.
We haven’t done much, been helping each other out with uni work and walking around the high street, but its what I needed so bad. Well last night was tres horrible, pathetically I did cry because my body was in pain from we-don’t-know-what. But its gone now.
I love when people surprise you by being understanding/actually caring if you are ok or not. Yeah I still am not ok, but if I was by myself id be a lot worse.
At the moment I am by myself, because they’ve gone out to see their significant other, but I don’t mind, the time alone again will do me good.
Im not looking forward to anything anymore though, it’s a shame. Because I had some stuff to look forward to, but after thinking and realising I want “something I can never have” just kinda given up. I would be all “o but yes I have uni and lalalalal” but uni gets boring when you’re competent. I should write up the court story, I should write up my interview, I should be learning the middle eastern countries, I should be listening to the radio, I should be writing my argument for why I strongly think Saddam Hussein shouldn’t die… but I think I may just listen to the Postal Service some more. Nothing Better is the only song ive heard and the only song I ever want to hear. Why hasn’t anyone told me about them before? Even James loves it. We were singing along to it Sunday night-before he left and I started my phase of…whatever.
Lalalala hmmm I think maybe I should go see la docteur soon. I really miss Ariege. In fact im missing EVERY single one of my friends at the moment, but in a way, not enough. If I’m the only one willing to put the EFFORT in, why should I waste my time (and energy and thoughts) anymore?
Wow this can be seen as really bitchy, lucky for me everyone’s too dumb to have a clue what im talking about.
Why has only one person seen ME at uni? Im not visiting everyone.
People are replaceable. I know 2 that aren’t. (Not including my family, don’t be silly.)
I want to be in Orpington on Sunday for my dad, but already made these gar plans. I guess me and Charlotte will have to content ourselves with calling up and straining to listen to the events.
Night.
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