i went go carting last friday, Cate bailed out on me so for the whole journey i sat cursing her under my breath at being stuck with more people i didnt know than people i did. Was good though, we all got to talking, the marshalls threatened to take me off the course because i never used my break and kept speeding round the corners. At one point i slammed into some tires so hard that i went under them and the barriers, but i wasnt the only total speeding idiot, someone had done it just before me. Tres embarrassing. But so so so great, made me in a really good mood though i lost terribly. My fastest lap was 42 seconds compared to Tom's 32. laaame.
Friday was michaels birthday celebrations-i didnt go to reading in the end for some reason. Lots of face paint.
Good weekend, bit sad though.
Now tis tuesday, i have not slept- we watched hot fuzz in guildford last night then tom and i stayed in the kitchen kicking balloons, i was so tired it seemed surreal. Then i watched butterfly effect. It's not that bad, bit stupid how a tiny kid can beat up a massive teenager, miscast.
Bla bla bla cannot wait for saturday/sunday whatever time im off the plane/see familia/at hooomme.
Its carnival right now in trinidad.
right, off to make pancakes.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
At least you'll never be a vegetable, even artichokes have hearts.
My aunt once gave me the best advice id ever taken (sorry papa)
She said if someone hears you cry and they dont do anything about itthen they arent worth knowing. Yes cheesy and all, but just thinking back to a bad period.
i was FINE. For about 3 weeks i felt totally fine (mostly) i got a few phone calls recently, and they were great actually, but now its just all come back.
I just messaged someone i actually hate. I despise them and i want to shave her head( i was going to say other stuff but i am already violent enough as it is-o and someone reading this thinks shes the best thing on the planet (since drunken nights and eltham.))
But i sent a very nice message and it felt heartfelt at the time because i wanted to end these horrible feelings i have for her. She'll probably just read it and delete it , not even knowing that because she is a grotsky little whore bitch (o my goodness 11 months) that she has made the last 11 months unnecessarily difficult for me. 11 months, that is ridiculous.
For valentines day i went out, i dont want to get into details but it was a pretty awesome day. Like an incredible day actually with the two best people i could ever find. We went to Milton Keyes.
On the drive back i thought of Louise. And of out of ALL my 'friends', she has been the only one that was actually there for me when i needed it. Forget the other fakers, i can listen to all their problems and where are they? No all they can say is we told you so or "blah blah well me me me wheres my sympathy? i cant possibly hand out anymore for anyone else." Whats not funny but is making me laugh(bitterly), is that a few of those girls read this.
And she came back into contact with me when she knew i needed it. And she took me out and she stayed awake with my insomnia talking to me for hours.
We used to dislike each other intensely. INTENSELY. Over stupid girl things. But out of all of this i know that shes actually a real friend, which you never find. Its amazing we became friends, the thing that bonded us together was the thing that was making us hate each other before.
Whats also amazing is that she is the ONLY person i have ever told all my secrets to. She hasnt found out any other way, i wasnt scared of her judging me, she totally understood and didnt treat me like everyone else or feel sorry for me.
There was one really bad night, she called me up until i couldnt talk on the phone any longer, and then she stayed up til 6 in the morning though she had work at 7 talking to me. She then talked to other people to cheer me up. Shes totally amazing, i do miss her. I havent seen her since september. wow. We were meant to go to battersea together but i was in canada. I really want to talk to her right now, but to be honest i dont want to use her JUST because she's reliable.
It is amazing the amount that people dont care for each other. We have our friends who are 'reliable', we depend on them to make us feel better, then we go out and forget about them til later when it is convenient for us. I dont want to surround myself with those people anymore, no matter how a 'friend' i thought they were before. The type of people who say they care but dont show it. If you care, you dont say it. Idiots. You just do. argh why is that so hard?
We need more Louise's in the world.
Is this all i wanted to say? Probably. Basically, i miss my friend.
She said if someone hears you cry and they dont do anything about itthen they arent worth knowing. Yes cheesy and all, but just thinking back to a bad period.
i was FINE. For about 3 weeks i felt totally fine (mostly) i got a few phone calls recently, and they were great actually, but now its just all come back.
I just messaged someone i actually hate. I despise them and i want to shave her head( i was going to say other stuff but i am already violent enough as it is-o and someone reading this thinks shes the best thing on the planet (since drunken nights and eltham.))
But i sent a very nice message and it felt heartfelt at the time because i wanted to end these horrible feelings i have for her. She'll probably just read it and delete it , not even knowing that because she is a grotsky little whore bitch (o my goodness 11 months) that she has made the last 11 months unnecessarily difficult for me. 11 months, that is ridiculous.
For valentines day i went out, i dont want to get into details but it was a pretty awesome day. Like an incredible day actually with the two best people i could ever find. We went to Milton Keyes.
On the drive back i thought of Louise. And of out of ALL my 'friends', she has been the only one that was actually there for me when i needed it. Forget the other fakers, i can listen to all their problems and where are they? No all they can say is we told you so or "blah blah well me me me wheres my sympathy? i cant possibly hand out anymore for anyone else." Whats not funny but is making me laugh(bitterly), is that a few of those girls read this.
And she came back into contact with me when she knew i needed it. And she took me out and she stayed awake with my insomnia talking to me for hours.
We used to dislike each other intensely. INTENSELY. Over stupid girl things. But out of all of this i know that shes actually a real friend, which you never find. Its amazing we became friends, the thing that bonded us together was the thing that was making us hate each other before.
Whats also amazing is that she is the ONLY person i have ever told all my secrets to. She hasnt found out any other way, i wasnt scared of her judging me, she totally understood and didnt treat me like everyone else or feel sorry for me.
There was one really bad night, she called me up until i couldnt talk on the phone any longer, and then she stayed up til 6 in the morning though she had work at 7 talking to me. She then talked to other people to cheer me up. Shes totally amazing, i do miss her. I havent seen her since september. wow. We were meant to go to battersea together but i was in canada. I really want to talk to her right now, but to be honest i dont want to use her JUST because she's reliable.
It is amazing the amount that people dont care for each other. We have our friends who are 'reliable', we depend on them to make us feel better, then we go out and forget about them til later when it is convenient for us. I dont want to surround myself with those people anymore, no matter how a 'friend' i thought they were before. The type of people who say they care but dont show it. If you care, you dont say it. Idiots. You just do. argh why is that so hard?
We need more Louise's in the world.
Is this all i wanted to say? Probably. Basically, i miss my friend.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Knowing that i havent failed any of the really crap modules has put me in a mood fantastique.
I fell asleep in a lecture today and screamed with fright as did half the class when the fire alarms went off. Apparently there was a fire but not in the close vicinity so we returned and i fell asleep again.
I keep rubbing my leg- on Monday night at the SU thing, Sarah and i decided to go up onto the stage. I moved back a bit falling down a massive ( about 5 stairs high) hole in the stage right on to my back (like the spine straight-up-no-doubt). Luckily (for Sarah) she fell on top of me, breaking her fall. Luckily for me, Billy grabbed me and hid my face til i didnt feel quite as embarrassed. The Vice president of the SU kept asking if he should call an ambulance, so i did a painful jig so everyone would leave me alone.
It doesnt hurt much today but walking is now a pain.
My neighbours call me 'dyspraxic Jordana' now as the whole of their house saw my magnificent fall and havent stopped mentioning it since. Also Sarah started mentioning how when im walking i always bump into the person im walking with (so what!? clumsiness... pah)
Dan my house mate thinks i might have a slight form of it as i was incapable of kicking a grape sized ball and im still incredibly shy even after months of seeing them every day.
(My house mates are freaking weird anyway)
"all i want is your pretty little heart..." im so happy about my grades. I'll shut up now.
I fell asleep in a lecture today and screamed with fright as did half the class when the fire alarms went off. Apparently there was a fire but not in the close vicinity so we returned and i fell asleep again.
I keep rubbing my leg- on Monday night at the SU thing, Sarah and i decided to go up onto the stage. I moved back a bit falling down a massive ( about 5 stairs high) hole in the stage right on to my back (like the spine straight-up-no-doubt). Luckily (for Sarah) she fell on top of me, breaking her fall. Luckily for me, Billy grabbed me and hid my face til i didnt feel quite as embarrassed. The Vice president of the SU kept asking if he should call an ambulance, so i did a painful jig so everyone would leave me alone.
It doesnt hurt much today but walking is now a pain.
My neighbours call me 'dyspraxic Jordana' now as the whole of their house saw my magnificent fall and havent stopped mentioning it since. Also Sarah started mentioning how when im walking i always bump into the person im walking with (so what!? clumsiness... pah)
Dan my house mate thinks i might have a slight form of it as i was incapable of kicking a grape sized ball and im still incredibly shy even after months of seeing them every day.
(My house mates are freaking weird anyway)
"all i want is your pretty little heart..." im so happy about my grades. I'll shut up now.
Monday, February 12, 2007
possib-blie go wrong...uhm possibly...thats the first thing thats ever gone wrong!
Best quotes from possibly my best weekened so far,
Ariege"The girl hauling a tree stump for firewood" and most things she said.
My brother strangling my mum with headphones,
Father: "Be careful or you'll damage the cable."
Tommm and Gemma talking bout jaimes-
"My house mate is ill and i dont want to infect the babes"
"Kick her in the knee, kick her in the other knee!" tommm
Ellerie dave tim et i went to a staines dance saturday night. Tim is HILARIOUS. a girl walked past him (who i used to be best friends with-but now shes an idiot) and all she said was "oh thats the guy that really annoyed me." You had to be there. He is the weirdest person ive ever met. (looks included)
We walked in, got swept up by Joel and Tom,
Ellerie dave and i were destroying the music system, people were dancing then just standing there in deathly silence as ellerie and i turned the music right down and laughed.
Then we saw Mark (dancing mark) decided to walk over, he looked pretty shocked and then out of nowhere stepped out BEN!
(yes ariege beeennn)
We all jumped around excitedly for a bit then caught up on the past two years. He's still a good one.
Had a few chats with Dave, he's still a bit not used to england after 2 years away in germany...and everyones going to BYU-stupid. You cant use an american degree over here.
Ellerie did her usual excited jumping around to unheard music- i could stare at her for hours, she hypnotises me.
Afterwards Tom joel et moi planned to go to joels, so took a little road trip but decided not to. Joel and i drove through aldershot (rough) really fast with our wollen hats and horrible horrible music turned up, it was kind of like 'baiting the chavs.'
On sunday cate and i fell asleep during le lessons. We all went back to Joels for a meal (which took 3 hours to prepare) so tom and i played scrabble. I spelt egg "eeg" and didnt notice for 20 minutes while he spelt bowl "baol" thinking i wouldnt notice, and i didnt til the end. (I had never been so deprived of sleep and food before)
We then took the most pointless drive back to staines watched a broadcast, then cate sat around talking for hours. So tom and i took her car for a drive, got stopped by a few people, hid her car, got told by people to move the car, and then just drove it as far as we could in the nearest bushes, and then waited for her to find it.
Cate "tom let me check you lips."
Good.
There is an anti valentines night tonight. Why anti? Whats wrong with it? Tom is taking me to sewing classes on tuesday, joel tom and i are going to some weird salsa lessons on wednesday and we're all meeting up on thursday and READING dance on friday (ariege please come, i can get you a lift) Busy week i need to get some sleep.
Ohh my clothes. oooh internet
Best quotes from possibly my best weekened so far,
Ariege"The girl hauling a tree stump for firewood" and most things she said.
My brother strangling my mum with headphones,
Father: "Be careful or you'll damage the cable."
Tommm and Gemma talking bout jaimes-
"My house mate is ill and i dont want to infect the babes"
"Kick her in the knee, kick her in the other knee!" tommm
Ellerie dave tim et i went to a staines dance saturday night. Tim is HILARIOUS. a girl walked past him (who i used to be best friends with-but now shes an idiot) and all she said was "oh thats the guy that really annoyed me." You had to be there. He is the weirdest person ive ever met. (looks included)
We walked in, got swept up by Joel and Tom,
Ellerie dave and i were destroying the music system, people were dancing then just standing there in deathly silence as ellerie and i turned the music right down and laughed.
Then we saw Mark (dancing mark) decided to walk over, he looked pretty shocked and then out of nowhere stepped out BEN!
(yes ariege beeennn)
We all jumped around excitedly for a bit then caught up on the past two years. He's still a good one.
Had a few chats with Dave, he's still a bit not used to england after 2 years away in germany...and everyones going to BYU-stupid. You cant use an american degree over here.
Ellerie did her usual excited jumping around to unheard music- i could stare at her for hours, she hypnotises me.
Afterwards Tom joel et moi planned to go to joels, so took a little road trip but decided not to. Joel and i drove through aldershot (rough) really fast with our wollen hats and horrible horrible music turned up, it was kind of like 'baiting the chavs.'
On sunday cate and i fell asleep during le lessons. We all went back to Joels for a meal (which took 3 hours to prepare) so tom and i played scrabble. I spelt egg "eeg" and didnt notice for 20 minutes while he spelt bowl "baol" thinking i wouldnt notice, and i didnt til the end. (I had never been so deprived of sleep and food before)
We then took the most pointless drive back to staines watched a broadcast, then cate sat around talking for hours. So tom and i took her car for a drive, got stopped by a few people, hid her car, got told by people to move the car, and then just drove it as far as we could in the nearest bushes, and then waited for her to find it.
Cate "tom let me check you lips."
Good.
There is an anti valentines night tonight. Why anti? Whats wrong with it? Tom is taking me to sewing classes on tuesday, joel tom and i are going to some weird salsa lessons on wednesday and we're all meeting up on thursday and READING dance on friday (ariege please come, i can get you a lift) Busy week i need to get some sleep.
Ohh my clothes. oooh internet
Saturday, February 10, 2007
the plan
Im really not tired which is weird. Went to planet angel last night-saw ariege for the first time in aaages. et les amigas des alice kennedy. i am typing with my nose.
ok stopped now, it was good and all. Just wasnt in the mood i dont think, (planet angel not nose typing) especially staying overly long in the blue jenga room thing. £15 to play jenga all night? Good idea.
A lot of 'wacky' people walking around. Everytime i was in a certain area a certain boy would say "up, it's alright?" nod at my reply (even if it was a confused high pitched huh!?) and walk off. About 6 times this happened, was strange but funny. Parts were tres fun though. Id definately go again, except with more people i actually KNOW.
I came home and found writing all up my arms, all that remains (because i didnt want it to go) is "AREEJH."
Ah im not in the mood
"im in the mood to move to the left 3 feet lalalalaladdammit.
im in the mood to slide to the right ahundred feet ladammit."
i had this song in my head allllll night, and alllll now.
i hope they put the pictures up soon. 2 WEEKS TODAY ahhhh!!!
I should go back to farnham soon i need to wash my hair. And meet Joel, but my clothes are drying and james has my earphones and id rather let someone down than not listen to music today.
arrrggghhhhh angry
ok stopped now, it was good and all. Just wasnt in the mood i dont think, (planet angel not nose typing) especially staying overly long in the blue jenga room thing. £15 to play jenga all night? Good idea.
A lot of 'wacky' people walking around. Everytime i was in a certain area a certain boy would say "up, it's alright?" nod at my reply (even if it was a confused high pitched huh!?) and walk off. About 6 times this happened, was strange but funny. Parts were tres fun though. Id definately go again, except with more people i actually KNOW.
I came home and found writing all up my arms, all that remains (because i didnt want it to go) is "AREEJH."
Ah im not in the mood
"im in the mood to move to the left 3 feet lalalalaladdammit.
im in the mood to slide to the right ahundred feet ladammit."
i had this song in my head allllll night, and alllll now.
i hope they put the pictures up soon. 2 WEEKS TODAY ahhhh!!!
I should go back to farnham soon i need to wash my hair. And meet Joel, but my clothes are drying and james has my earphones and id rather let someone down than not listen to music today.
arrrggghhhhh angry
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
i had a well good weekend (the last)
I came home from uni and spent about 6 hours messing around in the kitchen with my flatmates. I went up late, had a shower, ran out of towels so thought i'd just go through stuff while waiting to dry (as you do)
So for some stupid reason i decided to bring a drawer full of letters from home to uni and stuff them into another drawer. I read through all of them and was a mess.
I think i angrily typed out about 5 pages of pure anger and sad on my comp.
I wrote a weird fairy tale thing, which collapses into humorous anger.
Then i found a diary, cynically laughed at my last entry and wrote out 5 A5 pages of memories. All whilst listening le Gorillaz.
gravity on me never let me down gently
gravity with me never let me go no no
gravity
i dont pull me down
i dont pull me down on me
i dont pull me down
i dont pull me down on you.
Im gonna be working over the next few weeks on my second year project, i already know what im doing, just have to think what its going to be about. Im glad i havent left this uni.
I want to be Amanda King when i grow up.
O Green World makes me happy too
O green world,
Don't desert me now
Bring me back to fallen town
Where someone is still alive
Fighting for something new in this
When no one needs the heart of me and I'll
Get out somewhere other than me before...
(than me before...)
O green world
Don't deserve me now
I'm made of you and you of me
But where are we?
Oh no
Sells to lie
Phone with talk, you stars
Suppose you
Down when you're in fast
Cause it seems so little to you
But now you're in love, you know
You know, me too
You know, me too
I hope sex and drugs rust into my self, holy
It feels holy
It feels like you're with your father in the place you love...
Ive been watching skins. Love it.
My flatmate and i are going to book tickets to see fit guy in Equus.
Look how shallow i have become.
hah matmos, wicked. This has taken me 2 hours to write.
doesnt even have a point.
I came home from uni and spent about 6 hours messing around in the kitchen with my flatmates. I went up late, had a shower, ran out of towels so thought i'd just go through stuff while waiting to dry (as you do)
So for some stupid reason i decided to bring a drawer full of letters from home to uni and stuff them into another drawer. I read through all of them and was a mess.
I think i angrily typed out about 5 pages of pure anger and sad on my comp.
I wrote a weird fairy tale thing, which collapses into humorous anger.
Then i found a diary, cynically laughed at my last entry and wrote out 5 A5 pages of memories. All whilst listening le Gorillaz.
gravity on me never let me down gently
gravity with me never let me go no no
gravity
i dont pull me down
i dont pull me down on me
i dont pull me down
i dont pull me down on you.
Im gonna be working over the next few weeks on my second year project, i already know what im doing, just have to think what its going to be about. Im glad i havent left this uni.
I want to be Amanda King when i grow up.
O Green World makes me happy too
O green world,
Don't desert me now
Bring me back to fallen town
Where someone is still alive
Fighting for something new in this
When no one needs the heart of me and I'll
Get out somewhere other than me before...
(than me before...)
O green world
Don't deserve me now
I'm made of you and you of me
But where are we?
Oh no
Sells to lie
Phone with talk, you stars
Suppose you
Down when you're in fast
Cause it seems so little to you
But now you're in love, you know
You know, me too
You know, me too
I hope sex and drugs rust into my self, holy
It feels holy
It feels like you're with your father in the place you love...
Ive been watching skins. Love it.
My flatmate and i are going to book tickets to see fit guy in Equus.
Look how shallow i have become.
hah matmos, wicked. This has taken me 2 hours to write.
doesnt even have a point.
Friday, February 02, 2007
i'll tell you in another life, when we are both cats
Yesterday was institute. Was totally dreading it. But totally glad i went.
We all got hungry So in one car was joel cate and myself, and then either following or leading the way was Tommmmm. We started off our road trip, first to
mcdonalds, closed. So we went to the drive through, too many staines rude boys.
Sainsbury- closed (it was around 10pm at this point)
Tescos-only sold furniture. We span around in circles in the car park while shouting between cars what to do, we then agreed to drove to fleet, aldershot? cant remember.
Then, we played that stupid traffic light game. Cate gave no warning, just ran out the car and went and sat in toms. Joel pulled me over into the front seat and the next second later, cate was pulling me out the car and i ran to toms. we did this about 5 or 6 times, me grudgingly, but it was fun-especially when cate and i blindly smashed into each other in the middle of the road.
It ended up cate in joels car and tom and moi for le motorway. He had the AQUABATS, i was pleased.
Jumped around tescos for a while, stuffed whole doughnuts in our mouths and tried to find something tom wasnt allergic to (hes allergic to EVERYTHING, when he holds or shakes hands his fingers itch)
we drove back to aldershot, and hung out in a car park with the car windows next to each other (this was about midnight) joel and i had a slow motion race, i lost-i fell. then a normal race where i nearly beat him. Then we raced against tom who has the longest legs in the world. we kicked our own heights and did 'stand jumps' then tom jumped over his car bonnet. was amazing. then we gorged on more food and that was it.
My flat mates are weird, one of them convinced this boy she went to school with to come to the same uni, he is OBSESSED with her. The do everything together, they have no friends apart from each other, Its so weird. but they hide the fact they are together from the rest of us...why? we dont care, we've seen them together, just friends dont do that.
so last night when i strolled in close to 2, there was food strewn all over the kitchen table and a potential fire was starting in the oven. I turned everything off when half naked mike ambles in. He looked embarrassed, i was amused, he made up some lie about being next door (where he lives) and remembering emma had taken his milk...yes believable. i just nodded and smiled, while he pretended to call someone up. I was a bit mean, i stayed in the kitchen longer than i meant to, just to make him feel more awkward.
haven't you heard? Im the new cancer
We all got hungry So in one car was joel cate and myself, and then either following or leading the way was Tommmmm. We started off our road trip, first to
mcdonalds, closed. So we went to the drive through, too many staines rude boys.
Sainsbury- closed (it was around 10pm at this point)
Tescos-only sold furniture. We span around in circles in the car park while shouting between cars what to do, we then agreed to drove to fleet, aldershot? cant remember.
Then, we played that stupid traffic light game. Cate gave no warning, just ran out the car and went and sat in toms. Joel pulled me over into the front seat and the next second later, cate was pulling me out the car and i ran to toms. we did this about 5 or 6 times, me grudgingly, but it was fun-especially when cate and i blindly smashed into each other in the middle of the road.
It ended up cate in joels car and tom and moi for le motorway. He had the AQUABATS, i was pleased.
Jumped around tescos for a while, stuffed whole doughnuts in our mouths and tried to find something tom wasnt allergic to (hes allergic to EVERYTHING, when he holds or shakes hands his fingers itch)
we drove back to aldershot, and hung out in a car park with the car windows next to each other (this was about midnight) joel and i had a slow motion race, i lost-i fell. then a normal race where i nearly beat him. Then we raced against tom who has the longest legs in the world. we kicked our own heights and did 'stand jumps' then tom jumped over his car bonnet. was amazing. then we gorged on more food and that was it.
My flat mates are weird, one of them convinced this boy she went to school with to come to the same uni, he is OBSESSED with her. The do everything together, they have no friends apart from each other, Its so weird. but they hide the fact they are together from the rest of us...why? we dont care, we've seen them together, just friends dont do that.
so last night when i strolled in close to 2, there was food strewn all over the kitchen table and a potential fire was starting in the oven. I turned everything off when half naked mike ambles in. He looked embarrassed, i was amused, he made up some lie about being next door (where he lives) and remembering emma had taken his milk...yes believable. i just nodded and smiled, while he pretended to call someone up. I was a bit mean, i stayed in the kitchen longer than i meant to, just to make him feel more awkward.
haven't you heard? Im the new cancer
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