Songs I like, cos I have nothing of worth to say.

Poison the Well-Slow Good Morning
There are bodies strewn all over my bedroom floor,
I don't know how they got there but I'm sure,
it's the fuckers in their ships.

Taunting everyone who walks by as they sail through my front lawn
Through my bedroom window, not a window at all
but a hole that peasant left with his cannonball fun

They look so pretty
Pretty weak to have let it go on this long.

There are still bodies thrown on my bedroom floor,
I don't know how they got there but I have a plan now

Sir they say we aren't really here
so don't just try to punish us,
you are the one who has lost his mind.

We didn't bring the bodies, we didn't throw them on your floor
We didn't bring the bodies, we didn't throw them on your floor
You are the one who has lost his mind

They look so pretty.
Pretty weak to have let it go on this long.
Sir they say we aren't really here
so don't just try to punish us,
you are the one who has lost his mind.

We didn't bring the bodies, we didn't throw them on your floor
You are the one who has lost his mind

They look so pretty
pretty weak to have let it go on this long

Bats for Lashes-What's a girl to do

We walked arm in arm
But I didn't feel his touch
A desire I'd first tried to hide,
That tingling inside was gone
And when he asked me:
'do you still love me?'
I had to look away
I didn't want to tell him
That my heart grows colder with each day

When you love someone
But the thrill is gone
And your kisses at night
Are replaced with tears
And when your dreams are wrong
Then I ask you now, what's a girl to do?

He said he'd take me away
That we'd work things out
And I didn't want to tell him
But it was then I had to say
Over the times we've shared
It's all blackened out
And my bat lightning heart
Wants to fly away

When you love someone
But the thrill is gone
And your kisses at night
Are replaced with tears
And when your dreams are ?
Then I ask you now, what's a girl to do?

What's a girl to do?

Broken Social Scene-Anthems for a 17 year old girl

Used to be the one of the rotten ones
And I liked you for that
Now you're all gone, got your make-up on
And you're not coming back

Bleachin' your teeth, smiling flash
Talking trash, under my window

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me

Used to be the one of the rotten ones
And I liked you for that
Now you're all gone, got your make-up on
And you're not coming back

Matmos-Roses and Teeth for Ludwig Wittgenstein

"A new born child has no teeth."
"A goose has no teeth."
"A rose has no teeth."
This last at any rate—
one would like to say—
is obviously true!
It is even surer that a goose has none.
And yet it is none so clear.
For where should a rose's teeth have been?
The goose has none in its jaw.
And neither, of course, has it any in its wings;
but no one means that when he says it has no teeth.
Why, suppose one were to say:
the cow chews its food and then dungs the rose with it,
so the rose has teeth in the mouth of a beast.
This would not be absurd,
because one has no notion in advance where to look for teeth in a rose.
(Connexion with "pain in someone else's body".)

Sonic youth-sunday, suerthriller-any (check them out)
pixies -where is my mind Peaches-any

Leaving

Technically, tomorrow will be the day we leave for Canada. I can't sleep and I don't even want to try but I'm going to force myself. People keep telling me that I'm kinda ill recently because of nerves, but I don't get nerves. I'm excited though, so excited I'm terrified something's going to go wrong and we won't be able to go and I feel like throwing up.
I also feel very strange, like my mind's telling me to do or say something and I know what it is but I can't bring myself to do it, but let's just say I don't know what it is.
I keep rubbing my forehead, like that's going to help anything. I tried doing sudoku and something like that, that I usually find quite easy and distracting to do just isn't working. I'm frustrated actually, I'm going to finish it before I go to bed and if I don't, on the plane.
I never get homesick (edit, anymore, leaving Trinidad was quite intense for me) and though I never admit stuff like this I will definitely miss my parents. We fight, and I've never missed them before, but I'm starting to appreciate them more than I ever have before. Also my dad's in Trinidad on business and flights are being crap and he was meant to come back on sunday, and then tomorrow, but now he doesn't know...bah.
If my sister goes back to Trinidad before I come back, I know I'll really hate that, but it serves me right for not taking advantage of her being here. James goes without saying, I'll probably go insane unless I call him at least once, just to hear him call me rat face and then probably hang up on me.
Anyway, enough of this, I'm happy, though I feel very confused, more than ever, about nothing that's even confusing. But I've been thinking so much that it's given me this headache and that's the conclusion I've gotten to.
I guess I could use this time to actually pack properly, but don't want to wake up my very full house.
It's been a good few days/month/year.

This room's starting to scare me, going to run upstairs as quietly as I can.

Cannot wait to go swimming.

Friday 13th again

So it's half 4 and I probably should go to bed, because it's been a hard day, but this is too good not to write up.
Friday 13th, woke up in pain and anguish, my stomach muscles were tensing the night before like crazy and when I brushed my teeth I kept hitting the back of my throat (making me gag a little-yum) tensing my stomach muscles even more and making me want to die. The pain was also enhanced by the fact that the day before I didn't eat much/at all really because I felt anything I ate would just be slowly forced back up-chewed- from my stomach up my throat and into my mouth.
For the whole day I tried to find food that didn't make me feel ill from the thought of it and settled for hot drinks instead. I took a nice walk in the park, where some almost pikeys said, "Dzo you know how long you've been on the swings for?" I stared at them, forced myself to not come out with something bitchy and ambled off to a roundabout. (The thing is she didn't even ask in a rude way, it was almost like she was saying "There is a time limit for the swings and I think yours is nearly up-a friendly reminder from the beavers wood girls")
Anyway, forced my self to eat pasta a few hours later and tried to sleep before and after.
Before I ate, I had the tv on while i was lying down and something happened which wasn't funny but I laughed. The laugh turned into a cough of intense pain, and as I lay there curled into a ball of anguish I thought of how funny it would be if my sister came in and saw me clutching my fat and choking which sent me into another fit of very painful laughter.
We went to Fabric.
Most of the time...sorry all of the time was spent waiting. I surprisingly enjoyed it. Kano played. The one song I LOVED, he butchered and then cut it off after 10 seconds.
French people were overly friendly and had no idea what personal space was, thankfully they kept far enough away from me, one seemed to like Jack a lot though. One dude danced amazingly well after Kano's set, ariege and I clapped for him.
I bumped into an old (olaves) school friend, which was nice, even better that we used to despise each other and insult each other on sight, but now we're like Y.
FINALLY my other friends came in. Fabric was doing some silly "one out and one in thing" which meant they were waiting in the queue for about 3 hours. That was nice, I spent most of the time I was around them being distracted by them jumping around and reminiscing a bit.
Ooh, I just found blood on my shoulder.
By the time they got there (3?) we decided it was too late to try and make a go of having fun, as my friends bounced happily off into the throng of clubbers, but ariege wanted to see some dude's set so we went to listen. I nearly punched some guy (not really father) who got on my nerves and stroked my hair.
Then we left.

The night bus was torture at first, I just wanted to sleep but the guy next to me was way too interesting and I was trying to read the stamp on his hand. Ariege sat next to me after he left and we listened to some guy speaking crap spanish and then finding the whole population of spain on the bus and talking over excitedly to all of them.
Then he left and some numbnut decided to amplify his voice more. I was slightly hysterical
"Oh man, oh you div! Tell me the hoouse number! what? Boy im gonna hurt you so bad" balalalala. This girl from the year below me at newstead was on the bus and he started chatting her up, "Does anyone have a pen?" That was her first mistake, never show kindness to twats on the bus.
A little while later I heard her say, "No, and can you just speak a little quieter?"
"WHAT? i JUST ASKED FOR YOUR PEN AND I WANT YOUR NUMBER!" She refused to take her pen back.
After hearing him scream down the phone for the longest time (at times I had to bite my lip to not laugh) he got off the bus, ariege and I clapped as he walked down the stairs. Then he decided to snort some drug, have a fight with the bus driver and then trip off the bus as it was zooming away and try to chase it. I won't say what ariege said, so you won't think she's harsh, but I proudly said, "He should be castrated." Which she thought was a step too far.
The bus journey was fine after that, for one stop.
Some guy walks over to the steps leading down. The bus stops and he starts to walk down, I heard him miss a few steps, slide down the rest and then the loudest CRACK.
I think I just started hugging myself, ariege looked at me in shock. A pikey got up, looked over the side and told us there was blood everywhere. I don't know what happened to the man, heard the bus driver tell him he was in no state to get off the bus, but he wasn't there when I got off.
We started talking to the newstead girl and ariege and I grew steadily more hysterical until we were boldly laughing out loud at the whole night and the sounds the man made as he nearly died. I nearly started crying as I laughed. We tried to stop ourselves, almost convincing ourselves that to laugh would be a harshly terrible thing to do, but even now as I remember him stepping down and the sounds, I still think it would be an amazing scene in some tv show. You had to hear it, if I don't stop laughing soon, I'll be up all night laughing and wake my sister.
In Bromley Tom Parsons came on, which was a nice surprise and some bullers wood girls but i cant be bothered to type out their names though it would have been a lot shorter than mostly all of this sentence.
Ariege got off, tom got off then the girls.
I got off the bus with my keys in my hands, ready to gouge out an eye if I was attacked, but alas, wasn't my luck today.
I'm not even tired anymore. I've gotta pack for Canada soon. I don't want to go to bed.
NYT

Im gonna do what I want.

"Do you wanna come?"
Last night my uncle invited me to go see his brother in law. I agreed. My sister also came along.
Mathew, visiting from Canada, Anielia, Thomas and I got on a train to London Bridge. We didn't even leave the station, just walked to a weird arch that came out of nowhere, "we're on the list, Thomas plus 1" got our hands stamped and started walking down a long tunnel in the dark. There were lights but it was very surreal and there was some techno beat sounding music coming from the far end of the....building/tunnel/whatever the hell it was.
We got to the end of the tunnel (which was all underneath London Bridge) where there was a dimly lit bar and then a stage with a guy singing.
The guy was pretty terrible, no one was dancing, but you had to give him points for trying. If there was more people I could imagine them getting into the music, but the singing was a bit too...alternative/ wacky.

We happened to be standing next to the worst dancers in the world, they really got on my nerves, so much that I got a headache and had to look away. Apart from that I was amazed, kept looking around with my mouth probably wide open and asking my uncle questions about the place and if they rented it out and if they ever had club nights. My mouth was probably watering too, it really was quite cool. And there was some type of ping pong music playing.

Then Superthriller came on, We guessed Kunja was totally naked on the drums(couldn't see bottom half) , the lead singer was in nursing sweats, keyboard dude was in a suit, percussionist was half naked and adorable and so enthusiastic and excited. Some other guy on keyboard was in a bright yellow smiling t-shirt but he never smiled only one not dancing. Then there were 3 backing dancers/singers who were TERRIBLE. But it was good. The messed up their song (the girls) and this really ugly woman just said in a really british accent "I'm gonna do what I want," and the others ad libbed from then on. The best part of their song was this petite woman sing/shouting "SUCK SUCK SUCK." I loved.

We left early, set was a bit late and long, but I really enjoyed it though, more than I thought I would.
We got on a train where a man wouldn't move his briefcase when I asked to sit down, so I had to squash next to my uncle, was tempted throughout the next few stops to look at him and say, "well I hope you and your briefcase are comfortable."
We made fun of my sister constantly and sang "Rice and peas and cook up some, wait-'til-me-mama-come," loudly through orpington station, got some hot pizza (while taunting anielia who was on the phone to her friend) got freaked out by a man staring at us in Dominoes and had a nice walk home in puddles and the dark.

That, along with setting off french bangers in the garden added up to a very good day.