At least you'll never be a vegetable, even artichokes have hearts.

My aunt once gave me the best advice id ever taken (sorry papa)
She said if someone hears you cry and they dont do anything about itthen they arent worth knowing. Yes cheesy and all, but just thinking back to a bad period.

i was FINE. For about 3 weeks i felt totally fine (mostly) i got a few phone calls recently, and they were great actually, but now its just all come back.
I just messaged someone i actually hate. I despise them and i want to shave her head( i was going to say other stuff but i am already violent enough as it is-o and someone reading this thinks shes the best thing on the planet (since drunken nights and eltham.))
But i sent a very nice message and it felt heartfelt at the time because i wanted to end these horrible feelings i have for her. She'll probably just read it and delete it , not even knowing that because she is a grotsky little whore bitch (o my goodness 11 months) that she has made the last 11 months unnecessarily difficult for me. 11 months, that is ridiculous.
For valentines day i went out, i dont want to get into details but it was a pretty awesome day. Like an incredible day actually with the two best people i could ever find. We went to Milton Keyes.

On the drive back i thought of Louise. And of out of ALL my 'friends', she has been the only one that was actually there for me when i needed it. Forget the other fakers, i can listen to all their problems and where are they? No all they can say is we told you so or "blah blah well me me me wheres my sympathy? i cant possibly hand out anymore for anyone else." Whats not funny but is making me laugh(bitterly), is that a few of those girls read this.
And she came back into contact with me when she knew i needed it. And she took me out and she stayed awake with my insomnia talking to me for hours.
We used to dislike each other intensely. INTENSELY. Over stupid girl things. But out of all of this i know that shes actually a real friend, which you never find. Its amazing we became friends, the thing that bonded us together was the thing that was making us hate each other before.
Whats also amazing is that she is the ONLY person i have ever told all my secrets to. She hasnt found out any other way, i wasnt scared of her judging me, she totally understood and didnt treat me like everyone else or feel sorry for me.

There was one really bad night, she called me up until i couldnt talk on the phone any longer, and then she stayed up til 6 in the morning though she had work at 7 talking to me. She then talked to other people to cheer me up. Shes totally amazing, i do miss her. I havent seen her since september. wow. We were meant to go to battersea together but i was in canada. I really want to talk to her right now, but to be honest i dont want to use her JUST because she's reliable.

It is amazing the amount that people dont care for each other. We have our friends who are 'reliable', we depend on them to make us feel better, then we go out and forget about them til later when it is convenient for us. I dont want to surround myself with those people anymore, no matter how a 'friend' i thought they were before. The type of people who say they care but dont show it. If you care, you dont say it. Idiots. You just do. argh why is that so hard?

We need more Louise's in the world.

Is this all i wanted to say? Probably. Basically, i miss my friend.