Resist all the urges that make you want to go out and kill.

Each and every day i am finding it increasingly difficult to get up out of my bed.
Before i went on holiday i had problems sleeping, so i choose to just spend the whole night downstairs in my front room with a duvet and pillow and maybe sleep for 3 hours then get up ridiculously early and read/stare.
In Canada, i slept like a jet lagged log.
Since I've returned, I've finally decided to spend time in my bedroom. My bedroom is a mess. I hate it. I told myself I'd clean it yesterday when i got home from work, but instead i decided to read all the newspapers in our house and move my t.v upstairs so i could have some light.
I go to bed early, i stumble through the crap all over the floor in the dark (my light bulbs died a few months ago and also in the lamp i later used as a replacement.) Then lying there, i either flick through TV channels til i find a program that's worth lighting up my room with, or read a book with my flashlight (i am no longer allowed to read by flashlight as my dad has banned me: "that flashlight was only meant for emergencies.")
OK soon getting to the point, when i finally do fall asleep, i now sleep a bit longer than my usual 3 hours, but I'm so much more tired and a bit freaked out. For the past few weeks i wondered about this, then last Friday on the way to work, this thought entered my head:

"The reason i am so tired is because of those pills that woman is giving to me. She said that if i take them every night they make me sleep longer and I wont wake up every few hours and start craving."

This comforted me for about 2 minutes until i was suddenly horrified and thought "wait, what pills?"

I realised that i was waking up some mornings thinking to myself: "why am i so tired?...o yeah the pills."
For the last few days i keep thinking about this dream, and some mornings i wake up remembering it. At one point I got a bit freaked out that i was actually convincing myself i was only tired because of some weird pills some witchy italian looking woman was giving me to cure my "cravings."
Ive always been interested in lucid dreaming, but since i saw the movie 'Waking Life' ive never tried hard to actually do it. Ive probably only been able to do it once, where i made something move into the shapes i wanted. Ive only been doing some of the exercises, but last night i managed to have the same dream again but this time ask the woman why she was forcing these pills down my mouth.
The only explanation i remember being given was that they were to stop my cravings. I still dont really know what these cravings are. But yes thats it I'm done, back to work.

(The above title was running through my earphones on the walk to work today when some stupid little man said something to me, i luckily didnt hear what he said but was still feeling the urge to kick him, when this song saved him.)
(i wouldnt have really kicked him, twas just an urge)